doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
