She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
