so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
