if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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