Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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