i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
