We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
