So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
