Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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