Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Vodka?
Forever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
