i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
