thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
