i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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