yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
