You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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