Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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