my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
