If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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