Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
