I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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