You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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