I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm really busy with my period
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