i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
