so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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