You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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