this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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