Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
