I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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