bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
