I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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