so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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