Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
