I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
