sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
