Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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