So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
