Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize