I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
