walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
