meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
