he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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