i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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