If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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