My hair reeks of homosexuality.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
