Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
