A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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