yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
