he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
