We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
