no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
