Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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