I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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