just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
