hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
