Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
