I'm so fucking centered right now
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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