Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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