I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
