her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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