She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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