Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fuck appropriateness.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
