Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
