Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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