Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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