Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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