I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize