Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
