Is it normal to miss your booty call?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
