I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
