Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
two words: eviction party
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
