Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
