I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
