i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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