Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
