people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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