Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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