It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize