I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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