I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
