I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize