Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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