I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
