Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
