I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
