hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
