if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
