So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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