went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
