I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
