So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
