If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
