Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
